Present without a Precedent
I watch the TV and shudder,
hearing memories I hoped
would never come again.
What I had was childhood innocence
Faith this was all a joke
That nothing like that could really happen, because
People could see clearly . . .
Right?
I was in middle school when he took power
Our Least Popular TV host
Of that great show “The Free World”
Now his to control
Not supposed to be concerned with anything except tests and papers and who liked who
Not supposed to be at the coffee table with colored pencils and an electoral college map, desperately cramping from so much red and desperately wanting to use the blue,
Yearning to use the blue
Stretching my fingers as far as they could go
But not able to touch the blue
Not supposed to lie awake, to be unable to sleep for fear of what the day after The Day After might bring
Not supposed to be scared to go to school
To see the fear of unknown futures
The wondering, what’s going to happen? on others’ faces
As we heard the gloating victor reigned supreme
In our classroom
Sixth graders are not
Supposed to have to wonder who was alien or not
Before then, the only alien I knew of was the one with three eyes in Toy Story
Not supposed to have to wonder because
Those who were alien were safe and
Those who weren’t might …
… disappear
Not supposed to go through high school with the relief that my best friend was born here but
With the fear that she might come to school one day an orphan of our government
Not supposed to know the difference between CNN and Fox,
Not supposed to subscribe to the New York Times at the age of 13 just to know how deep in shit
We were
I was supposed to come into politics the natural way
supposed to find my passion through Government classes and Civics
I was supposed to only worry about being on time to play rehearsal, not be late because
My family is staring at an insurrection with shock and dread and horror and
This cannot be happening here
How am I am supposed to be a child when my childhood was stolen and I cannot get it back
Just like on the fairytales an orange troll had stolen everything from me
But this is not some fantasy and he has
Destroyed it
There is no knight to save me and I am tired of
Fighting
Now I am amazed that there could be a time when I forgot there’s a president
Now I am amazed that what is important is studying
Now I am amazed that I can read a book for fun and not to escape from conversations that make me fear for the future
Our world is burning and yet –
I can have faith that the firefighters will come
I think
I am amazed at how humanity has grown
When normalcy reigns
But still
Occasionally
I hear echoes of the past and shiver
My heart was taken and torn in two, fear funneled down the middle
Sometimes it still works its way back up